The Monday after the Melbourne leg of the tour saw several casualties unable to make it to work. It is believed only the consummate professional AJ Kelsey made it in. Watson and Damage spent Monday and Tuesday watching chick flicks, whilst Moulding actually went to a doctor as his flu had turned into a ear infection….antibiotics and rest were prescribed for the poor, defeated boy. Would he be ready in time for the third leg of the tour in HIS town?

Young AJ managed to get the earliest flight available on the Saturday morning and so was up bright and early….and commenced his drinking as is his wont at 11am. Watson flew in at 2:30 and was rushed back to Dino's where I was informed that we had 15 minutes to get to the pub otherwise it was penalty shots for every minute late…..we made it with five minutes to spare. This of course did not get us off any penalty shots. The pre match pub was packed with red shirts and the atmosphere was amazing. All the favourite songs were coming out…. 'We've got three dollars to our pound', 'Waltzing O'Driscoll', and 'I'd rather be a lion than a roo'. Beer bongs were downed, all aussies entering the pub were totally abused and left rather quickly. A highlight of the pub must have been Andy Earl being beaten easily in the beer bong race by a tiny girl - pathetic.

It was then time to move on to the ground. The stadium was about 40 minutes from the city center, and so a train was in order. Seeing that we were on tour it seemed fare dodging was the order of the day and this was achieved with minimal fuss. However Kelsey was lost on the way to the station - I believe he got involved in a game of rugger - and so it was just Watson, Moulding, Calvin and Tour Virgin Rimmer. It may surprise you that Rimmer, aged 42, is still a TV. He refused to accept that he was a TV and even suggested that his Rovers tours counted, as well as a tour he went on with his sister and the Thompson twins - what the hell was he on about???

We finally arrived at the ground and headed for the beer tents and got the beers in. AJ was still missing but turned up shortly. Banter was flying everywhere between the fans and soon it was time for a downing race. AJ was nominated as our man, and the aussies chose some fat bloke - AJ won easily, although he nearly vommed after it. This turned out to be the only victory of the night.

It was time to enter the stadium……I will say nothing of the game as this has been blocked out of all memories. Watson did manage however to throw a full beer over a 10 year old and his mum (both Aussies) when Jason Robinson scored his try…..they weren't that impressed but obviously deserved it. Other stories from the game include Brown being asleep for the entire match (in a stadium of 80,000) despite being continually punched by Debere. Game over, result forgotten - it was time to sample the delights of Sydney's nightlife. My host for the night was a certain Danny Moulding.

Quick shower, before heading to Establishment….and that is when the memory goes and so Danny will interject:

"As Watson and I slammed yet another drink at the bar we turned round to find half the Lions team standing behind us. Watson then pointed out he was mates with half of them, as he trained with them at Bath. Bullsh*t, I claimed. He then proceeded to try and talk with them (Dawson, O'Driscoll, Charvis, Wood etc) but they kept ignoring him. He came back over to me, and tried to explain, in drunken bullsh*t mode, why none of them 'appeared' to remember him or even acknowledge him. His story, then changed to it only being Jason Robinson that he knows, which happened to be the only Lion not present."

I still can't believe me ol' rugger muckers failed to remember me….but then again I never liked them. At about 4am Watson had had enough of Moulding and walked out of the club into the street, where quite by chance I bumped into Tour Foal (Debere). This was a stroke of luck as Watson had no idea where he was or who he was. Taxi back to Foal's stable but there was no hay for me to sleep on so I decided to try my luck and get back to Moulding's house. After wandering the streets for half an hour a taxi pulled up 50 metres in front of me and out jumped Kelsey - perfect. It was now 5:30 and Watty and AJ were hungry. Pies were eaten and AJ's wallet was lost. Finally we stumbled home to Moulding's at 6am….to find Danny preparing for bed by putting his eye mask on….beaten by the lads from Melbourne for the third week running.

AJ's night had been spent in a pub where no-one could get kicked out of 'The Orient'….stories from there are fairly vague except for the Tour Foal getting a bit punchy with a bird he had been snogging. Why? Because she was now snogging someone else - now that's what you call a stallion. Rimmer apparently showed for half an hour but was put to bed after a few shots, just like a tour virgin should be.

Rimms interjects (with one true story and one false one):

"I do feel it warrants a mention that Hirschfeld and Debere played a very underhand tactic on Rimmer on the shots after the game - ordering water (Danny Moulding-style) for themselves and some ropey old transparent alcohol for oblivious, pissed, depressed old me. Hirschfeld obviously feared that his self-announced 'heavyweight' title from leg 2 was up for grabs having turned up three hours late at the pub before the game…(FALSE)

Kelsey borrowed a pair of Debere's chinos for the day 'in case we go clubbing' and warned him on leaving the flat to 'look at them now - they will not be the same tomorrow!' How right he was! No words can describe the state of those trousers on Sunday - they had red dye on the arse, black tar around the ankles, thousand island dressing on the shins, bird sh*t on knees and some sort of yellow paint on the back of the knee! Easy to see how he gets through a pair of trousers a week…(TRUE)"

All in all it was an amazing three weeks, just unfortunate that we lost to the Aussies….yet again.